if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
