The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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