I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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