my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
