I wanna bring you to show and tell
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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