It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
