Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
