I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
being pregnant is like rehab
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
