have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
so let's talk penis.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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