you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
do herpes really smell.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
50% drunk capacity currently
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize