ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
