Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We are two peas in an std pod
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
