Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
