This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
