thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
