I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
