Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
