I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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