She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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