mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
