I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
