On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
