OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Randomize
