He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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