im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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