My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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