I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
