I think I am morally bankrupt
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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