that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
