Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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