just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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