I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize