So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Can't talk, ducks in the car
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
