What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Is it penis luge time yet?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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