I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
