i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
