Betty ford says i'm here all night
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
