We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
