tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
