Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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