it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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