fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
