evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
