He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
