evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
