so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
