This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
