Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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