Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
