the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
