I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
