he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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