I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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