Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Watching her eat just hurts me
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
