I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize