What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
