It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
