Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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