he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
