I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
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