im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
