Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
