I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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