My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
