My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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