I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
