So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
