Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
